Image by LunaDiRimmel via Flickr

Its origins are obscure, but June the 18th is recognised by any number of fine news institutions as International Panic Day.

In a world where we're constantly bombarded with messages designed to fill us with fear, doubt and paranoia, a little controlled panicking seems like a pretty healthy thing to celebrate. Join me, Citizens, as we panic our way through June the 18th! If you need any inspiration, here's my schedule for the day:

• 7am: Fuel up with seven cups of espresso to get nice and jumpy
• 8am: Hide in wardrobe chewing my fingernails at the thought of Global Warming
• 9am: Two more cups of espresso
• 10am: Check under and behind every item of furniture in the house for ninjas
• 11am: Shopping. Run away from an old lady who looks like she might be putting a curse on me.
• 12 noon: More espresso.
• 1pm: Sit in a chair in the very middle of my empty living room, turning quickly round and round in case monsters are sneaking up on me.
• 2pm: Panic break. Take a few deep breaths and try to stop heart racing.
• 2:15pm: More espresso.
• 3pm: Dive into cupboard under the stairs when a delivery guy knocks on the door.
• 4:25pm: Emerge cautiously, checking doors and windows.
• 4:26pm: AAAAAAH! A BEE!
• 4:27pm: Back into cupboard for the rest of the day.

And to help you spread the panic, here's an International Panic Day banner:

Full sized version

That's your Day for today.
AAAAAH!

Labels: espresso, fear, international panic day, panic